Kent · England
Funeral and wake catering in Colt's Hill, Kent
Something for almost everyone: fish and chips, sausages and pies, plus mushy peas, curry sauce and gravy on the side. Funeral and wake catering in Colt's Hill.
- Small family memorials
- Memorial gatherings
- A wake at the family home
Funeral and wake catering in Colt's Hill
How our funeral and wake catering works in Colt's Hill
We keep it calm and simple. We park discreetly and serve when people are ready. We serve pie and chips, sausage and chips and haddock and chips, and typical bookings are for village hall wakes and wakes at home.
Near Colt's Hill, wakes are frequently at home or in the hall. Let us know about access. You’ll know what’s included before you book: serving times, the menu and anything else agreed.
Planning for dietary needs
With a bit of planning, dietary needs are easier to handle. Here are a few tips:
- Let someone else talk to us on the day
- Confirm the van can park at the hall
- Let us know of any allergies
- Ask your funeral director to help estimate numbers
Allow time for travel from the service, crematorium or burial ground when choosing a serving time.
A favourite cake can be a lovely touch.
Wake catering near Colt's Hill
Colt's Hill is about 4 miles south-east of Tonbridge, in Kent. From the centre of Colt's Hill to the outskirts, we offer the same service: fresh frying, hot food from the hatch and a clear price. Colt's Hill is one of 922 towns and villages in Kent we cover. We serve events right across the region, from Colt's Hill to London (30 miles away).
For family travelling by train, the nearest station is Paddock Wood station, about 1.5 miles north-east. The High Weald National Landscape is within about 8 miles of Colt's Hill, and rural venues there may have narrow lanes, so tell us about access.
We serve wakes across the TN12 postcode area. Local streets include Colts Hill and Maidstone Road; a wake on any of them works well with a drive or nearby car park. For wakes just outside Colt's Hill, we cover Capel (1 mile west), Five Oak Green (1 mile north), Paddock Wood (1 mile east), Matfield (1 mile south-east) and Whetsted (1 mile north-east). Further out, we also take the van to Maidstone (10 miles north-east), Sevenoaks (11 miles north-west), Royal Tunbridge Wells (5 miles south-west), Tonbridge (4 miles north-west), Kings Hill (7 miles north) and Foley Park (11 miles north-east).
Other landmarks nearby include Tonbridge Castle (4.1 miles north-west) and The Hop Farm Museum (2.3 miles north-east). Open spaces near Colt's Hill include Barden Lake and Tudeley Woods RSPB reserve.
- Schools near Colt's Hill include Mascalls School (1.3 miles east)
- Local pubs include The Dovecote Inn (0.5 miles west)
Before you choose a spot
Plenty of places work for the van, but there are a few things to check:
- A level, firm spot the van can drive onto
- Light near the van and the queue for evening service
- A clear way in, with no low branches, cables or narrow gates
If you are unsure, send a picture of the space and the way in, and we’ll say what we think before booking.
On the menu in Colt's Hill
- Sausage and chips
- Pie and chips
- Haddock and chips
- Mushy peas
- Cod and chips
- Gravy
Colt's Hill: your questions answered
What’s the nearest station to Colt's Hill?
The closest is Paddock Wood station, roughly 1.5 miles away.
Is Colt's Hill too small for a chip van?
No, we come to small places too. Let us know about access and parking.
What if the service runs late?
Yes. We serve when people are ready.
How many people should we cater for?
Start with a rough number, and we will plan with a little extra.
Can you go on a lawn or field?
Frequently, if the ground is firm and dry. After heavy rain, soft grass can be a problem for any vehicle, so plan a back-up spot.
How quickly can you serve everyone?
Keeping choices simple and sending people up in groups helps. We’ll talk it through when we quote.
What can guests choose from?
Proper fish and chips, plus sausage or pie and chips. Mushy peas, curry sauce and gravy go on the side.
Can you cater for allergies?
We provide allergen information for everything we serve. Battered fish contains fish and, in standard batter, gluten. Tell us about allergies in advance.
What comes out of the fryer
Haddock and chips
Haddock has a slightly sweeter flavour and a firmer flake. It’s the traditional favourite in Scotland and much of the north.
Curry sauce
Chip-shop curry sauce is a mild, slightly sweet British classic, perfect with chips or a sausage.
Towns and villages near Colt's Hill
Other occasions in Colt's Hill
Step by step
Because we cook inside the van, rain does not stop us. Guests will still appreciate a bit of cover near the hatch. In winter, it is dark in Colt's Hill by about 3:55pm, so an afternoon wake in winter needs lighting near the van. Summer wakes have daylight well into the evening.
- Send us your date, numbers and address.
- We check access for the van and quote.
- We arrive early to park and heat the fryers.
- Everything is fried to order as the queue moves.
- Service is straight from the hatch, then we pack up.
Getting ready for the day
- Get permission for the van from the venue
- Give us your final numbers and allergies
- Name one person we can call on the day
Getting a price
Every booking is quoted individually, so the price fits what you actually need. For a quote, send us your details through our quote form.
Read more
What a fish and chip van costs
Here’s what makes the biggest difference to the price:
- Whether a minimum applies
- The length of service
- Your choice of menu
- How easy the site is to reach
The price depends on numbers, the menu and how long we serve, along with distance and access to the site. We quote for each booking individually.
What we need to know
When you contact us, it helps to tell us:
- The spot you have in mind for the van
- Any dietary needs and allergies
- A picture of the parking spot
- Anything awkward about the way in
The more you tell us, the more accurate the quote: where the van would park, how to get in, numbers and timings. A picture of the spot helps too. To send your details, send us your details through our quote form.
Why fried-to-order beats a buffet
A formal meal doesn’t always suit. A van keeps it relaxed. Compared with a sit-down meal, a fish and chip van is often good value, as there’s no kitchen to hire and nothing to wash up. We will send you a quote.
Why us?
- Served hot, straight from the hatch
- All the chip-shop extras
- We cook inside the van, whatever the weather
- Cod, haddock, sausages and pies
Occasions we serve in Colt's Hill
It takes one job off a very long list at a difficult time.
Here are some of the occasions we serve in Colt's Hill and Kent:
- Remembrance gatherings
- Pub wakes
- Wakes at home
- Remembering a loved one’s favourite food
After a service at Five Oak Green Church, a wake at a hall or home close by means less travelling for everyone.
What to look for in a quote
- Allergen information for each item
- Any travel, parking or access charges
- If the price includes VAT
- The deposit and payment dates
Planners, venues and businesses
For big groups, the service window matters, so we can plan service to match. Staggering groups helps a lot.
Venues often have their own rules about outside caterers and vehicles: where a van can park, access times and the paperwork they want. Send us your venue’s requirements and we’ll confirm what we can provide.
- Fried fresh to order in the van at your event
- Cod, haddock and chips, sausages and pies
- The van comes to you: homes, venues, workplaces and fields
- Served at the time you choose, from the hatch