East Sussex · England
Funeral and Wake Catering in Telscombe
Something for almost everyone: fish and chips, sausages and pies, plus mushy peas, curry sauce and gravy on the side. Book fish and chips for the wake in Telscombe.
- A favourite meal in someone’s memory
- Gatherings after the committal
- Celebrations of life
Funeral and wake catering for Telscombe events
How our funeral and wake catering works in Telscombe
The wake can be at home, at a village hall or club, or at a venue with space outside, wherever the van can park. For family gatherings after a burial or cremation and scattering of ashes gatherings, we can cook pie and chips, gravy and cod and chips.
In Telscombe, the hall is often where people gather, and its car park suits the van. The fryers are in the van, so the cooking happens right there at your wake, and the food reaches them hot and crisp.
- Where
- Telscombe (BN10, BN2, BN7)
- Region
- East Sussex
- On the menu
- Cod and haddock, chips, sausages and pies
- Sides
- Gravy, mushy peas, curry sauce
- Quotes
- Ask us for a quote
- Last updated
- 24 October 2026
Planners, venues and businesses
If your event is in a public place, such as a park or a street, check what permission you need first. Ask the council or landowner early.
Many venues set rules for catering vans: parking spots, arrival times and documents. Send us your venue’s requirements and we will work through them with you.
How the day works
We work to your timings. If the day runs behind, we simply start frying a little later, so the food is still fresh when it’s served. In Telscombe, it is dark by about 7:05pm in late September and 3:55pm in December.
- You share your date, numbers and address.
- We check the route in and send a price.
- We arrive early to park and heat the fryers.
- Fish goes into the batter and straight into the fryer, to order.
- We serve hot from the hatch and pack up when we are done.
Preparing for the day
- Send us final numbers and any allergies in good time
- Think about a gazebo by the van in case of rain
- Confirm the van is allowed on site
Ask for a quote
Planning fish and chips for the wake in Telscombe? Tell us what you have in mind and we will come back with a quote. To contact us, use our quote form.
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Telscombe questions
We are gathering after a service at The Parish Church of St Lawrence: can you come?
Yes, at a nearby hall, home or venue with somewhere for the van. Food is generally served at the reception venue rather than the church. Send us the address.
Can the van go to venues in the South Downs National Park?
Yes. Some venues there have rules about vehicles and ground, so check with yours. We will work to whatever the site needs.
What do we need to supply?
Tell us what’s available at the site in your enquiry, and we will say what we need.
Is grass a problem?
It depends on the ground. Let us know what the ground is like, and send a picture if you can.
How much space do you need?
Less than you might think: a drive, a car park, a yard or a firm lawn, with a clear way in. Send us a picture if you’re not sure.
Is there a non-fish option?
We serve sausages and pies as well as fish. Tell us about other diets and we will be honest about what’s possible.
How long will the queue be?
It depends on numbers, the menu and how people arrive. Tell us your numbers and how long you have for food, and we will plan service around it.
Can you cater a wake at short notice?
Wakes are often arranged quickly, so send us the date and we will answer straight away.
What affects the price in Telscombe
There’s nothing hidden: the price is based on:
- The date and time of year
- Access and parking
- Distance and any road charges
- Cod, haddock or both
Comparing vans? Look at what each quote includes: service time, menu, travel, any minimum and VAT. Our quotes spell it all out.
Getting an accurate quote
For a quote, it helps to have:
- Allergies and diets you know about
- Anything awkward about the way in
- Where the event is
- Roughly how many people, including children
We only need a few details to quote: date, address, numbers and serving time. You can use our quote form.
Events we cater in Telscombe
It’s warm, simple food that almost everyone enjoys.
Whatever the occasion in Telscombe, a chip van is a crowd-pleaser. We’re often booked for:
- Celebrations of life
- Family gatherings after a burial or cremation
- Remembering a loved one’s favourite food
- Wakes at a pub or venue with outside space
For a service at a church like The Parish Church of St Lawrence, choosing a wake venue nearby helps older guests.
What to look for in a quote
- How long service runs, and what happens if you overrun
- A clear list of what’s included
- How allergens are handled
- What happens if plans change
What the van needs
The van has to be able to get in and park safely, so a few things need checking. These are the things we check:
- A lit spot if service runs after dark
- A spot near your guests
- Access wide and high enough for the van
Not sure about the spot? Send us a photo and we will tell you honestly before booking.
On the menu in Telscombe
- Sausage and chips
- Gravy
- Pie and chips
- Mushy peas
- Haddock and chips
- Cod and chips
Diets, allergies and planning
Allergies are taken seriously. Here’s how you can help:
- Ask a friend to run a tea table
- Confirm the van can park at the hall
- Let us know of any allergies
- Use the funeral director’s experience on numbers
We arrive in good time and park discreetly before guests return from the service.
Somewhere quiet to sit helps some guests.
Is a fish and chip van right for your wake?
A sit-down meal can feel formal. A van keeps it relaxed. The cost per head typically falls as numbers rise, since the van and set-up are much the same for any size. Give us your numbers and we will quote.
Why Telscombe hosts choose us
- Quick service from the hatch
- The classic sides: peas, curry sauce and gravy
- Fish and chips fried fresh on site
- No surprises in your quote
Take a look at our pricing or our guide to van hire costs.
The menu, dish by dish
Cod and chips
Cod and chips is the meal most people picture when they think of a chip shop. Cooked fresh at the hatch, it is hot, crisp and generous.
Mushy peas
Proper mushy peas start with dried marrowfat peas. They’re the side most people expect.
Arranging a wake in Telscombe
Telscombe is about 6 miles east of Brighton, in East Sussex. In and around Telscombe, the van can serve from a drive, a yard, a car park or a firm field. Telscombe is one of 289 places in East Sussex where we bring the van. We serve events right across the region, from Telscombe to Brighton (6 miles away).
Relatives arriving by train should know that the closest railway station is Southease station, roughly 2.6 miles north-east of the centre. The South Downs National Park is within about 5 miles of Telscombe, and rural venues there may have narrow lanes, so tell us about access. The coast is within about 6 miles of Telscombe, and for many families fish and chips brings back memories of the seaside.
Wakes anywhere in BN10, BN2 and BN7 start with a parking spot for the van and roughly how many guests. Streets in the area include Tor Road, View Road and Firle Road, and the van can serve a wake on any of them with a suitable parking spot. Other places close to Telscombe we cover include East Saltdean (1 mile west), Saltdean (1 mile west), Piddinghoe (2 miles east), Rodmell (2 miles north-east) and Rottingdean (3 miles west). Further out, we also take the van to Eastbourne (13 miles east), Seaford (6 miles east), Lewes (5 miles north), Hailsham (12 miles east), Uckfield (12 miles north-east) and Newhaven (3 miles east).
Nearby you’ll also find Planet Earth Museum (2.8 miles east) and Lewes Castle (4.9 miles north). Open spaces near Telscombe include Itford Hill and Beacon Hill Local Nature Reserve.
- Schools near Telscombe include Peacehaven Community School (0.7 miles south-east)
- Pubs nearby include Smugglers Rest pub (0.7 miles south-west)
Towns and villages near Telscombe
What else we do in Telscombe
- Fried fresh to order in the van at your event
- Cod, haddock and chips, sausages and pies
- The van comes to you: homes, venues, workplaces and fields
- Served at the time you choose, from the hatch